Good morning friends
A few days ago, a friend sent me a quote which said, “Don’t offer a lecture to a person who needs a hug!” And it totally resonated with me! It reminded me of something that we used to talk about in our ’Wise Parenting ‘ series of talks for parents of kindergarten children. We used to discuss a lot about disciplining a child and whether to punish a child or not and how to punish in case punishment is absolutely essential. One very important point to remember in this connection is that ‘A child needs your love the most when he deserves it the least ! ‘
Every child knows when he has not behaved well, when he has broken the rules of his home and he is scared of punishment when the parents learn about this behaviour. But if the punishment is too harsh, the child learns to try to hide his mistakes so as to escape punishment. But that’s not really what we want as a parent, right ? We want the child to learn about the right way of behaving, of the values of his family and this may not necessarily happen when the parents treat a mistake as a crime. In fact, it’s ok to make mistakes, it’s ok to accept your mistakes as long as you try your best to not make the same mistake again. And that is how we learn to do the right thing… through making mistakes and correcting them, isn’t it ?
And that’s why, love should be an integral component of any punishment or reprimands and what better way to do that than to hug the child ? When you hug someone who has made a mistake, you are telling him without saying anything that your love for him is not affected by his actions. Of course, it doesn’t mean that we cover up the mistakes, just that the first thing we convey to the person is that we love him irrespective of his mistakes and our love for each other is more important than anything else in life. Later, we can take the necessary steps to ensure that such behaviour is not repeated in the future. But let us start with a hug, let us start with trying to understand why the person behaved in this manner and then decide on the appropriate response.
Would you like to try this out whenever someone makes a mistake ?
Love,
Anjali Bhatawdekar
